IMAGO COUNSELING

How did I get here? When we are born, we are in a state of wholeness, and if our caretakers are attuned to our needs, we remain psychologically whole, or rather, in a state of ‘aliveness’. However, even in a highly nurturing environment, there are the demands of society’s behavioral expectations and there is no such thing as a perfect parent or caregiver. They are not able every minute of every day to nurture precisely each demand and need. Perhaps they are stressed from everyday life, they need to go to work and leave us in the care of another, they are emotionally distant or incredibly protective. Whatever it is, even when intention is good, we cannot sustain perfection. Our parents are human too. Our unmet needs create pain and fear, and during these experiences as a child we aim to sustain our connection with our caregiver, even at the sacrifice of ourselves. Parts of ourselves die in order for the connection to survive. Maybe that meant learning to be quieter because mom was so stressed, maybe it meant withdrawing to avoid reactivity, maybe they were so busy working to provide us with our needs and security that you found yourself alone. Perhaps you learned to work really hard at school or in sports because you received love and praise when you achieved something, or maybe you had so much freedom that you had to figure things out for yourself. Whatever our experience, we denied and repressed some of our own needs and developed coping mechanisms in order to protect our connections, to feel a sense of belonging, and experience some sort of approval. This left our ‘wholeness’ and ‘aliveness’ with lost parts of ourselves that our parents or society found unacceptable or unloveable. Here you are now, doing your best to live a good life and have healthy relationships. But despite our efforts, the unconscious agenda of our psyche is to restore the parts of ourselves that we lost or diminished as children and return to wholeness. Life will always present the right people and experiences in order to trigger opportunities to heal. They rarely feel like opportunities, however. They often feel more like obstacles and challenges at work or within your relationships, or even bad things happening to good people. If we learned as a child not to have an opinion or keep to ourselves in order to keep the peace, maybe as an adult you’re feeling unheard, unseen, or overpowered. Perhaps if you felt loved and approved of usually when you achieved well as a child, or scolded and shamed, or like others were frustrated when you didn’t do well or when you made mistakes, you may now experience feelings of not being good enough, not being able to please others no matter what you do, you’re a perfectionist or work so hard that you’re feeling burnt out. Whatever our current struggles and relationships, they are deeply connected to our inescapable past. Where do I go from here? Imago is not just for couples. In fact it started as individual work and then was adapted to work with other groups like couples, families and businesses. For the individual, we will explore your current struggles in your life and relationships, and see the connection between the now and the past. You will learn to understand how your trauma emerged, and how it currently expresses itself and release the shame and the blame you may feel or experience. Through the use of the Imago Dialogue, you will access deep insight into yourself so that the unconscious agenda of your psyche restores the parts of yourselves that you lost or diminished as a child, so that you can return to wholeness, and attract wholeness in your everyday life.